down the rabbit hole

down the rabbit hole

It’s amazing how things can be going along somewhat fine, the BOOM your world goes to a total shitshow.  The last few months I have been going down the rabbit hole, I, nor my doctor or therapist really know what triggered me this time, but I am majorly triggered.  Having panic attacks at school, waking up in the middle of the night having panic attacks, missing work because I physically can not make myself get out of bed, and if I make it out of bed, I can’t make myself get dressed like a normal human being….this is getting so old.

I made an emergency appointment with my Psych and therapist, did a major medicine change, and the therapist gave me some things to try and work on.  I find myself at work making a lot of lists, this seems to calm me, I have been self harming, I won’t go into details just for trigger effects, but I feel like my life is totally out of control right now.  I have a great group of friends that “try” to understand me and what I’m going through, along with a great family network…but even with all the love, medicine, and therapy, I am still feeling lost and out of control.

I have added a new Instagram page, just for my feelings of depression and anxiety…it’s nice to know when people “get you”, even if they are strangers, there’s something calming and reassuring in that for me.

Just a quick note, to what’s going on in my life…just to put it into words.

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May 7th

May 7th

Today’s self care looked like spending the day resting, picking up, and catching up on the dvr while Mark and Zoe went and saw his mom and dad in the hospital, and bought my Mother’s Day gifts (which I got early and were AWESOME) 

Xoxo